17+ Doctors Share The Funniest Things Patients Have Said Under Anesthesia

Amy Pilkington 26 May 2019

I've only been put under anesthesia once in my life and as far as I know, I was more grumpy than funny about it. Which isn't really a surprise.

But that groggy, druggy state sometimes causes people to say or do some very odd things and often, the only people who get to enjoy the show are the doctors.

Which is why a curious Redditor decided to ask: "Anesthesiologists, what are the best things people have said under the gas?"

The answers did not disappoint.

1. Redditor updoots4u shared a couple of favorites.

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"'Am I in hell?'"

"I responded 'no you're not, you're just in recovery.'

"'...that sounds like something the devil would say. Count backwards from 100 to prove it.'"

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2. The second story is my favorite, though.

Unsplash | Allef Vinicius

"Or the one who stroked my unshaved arm while I was trying to keep him from pulling at his IV, and muttered 'you'd make such a great carpet.'"

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3. Doc___2020 witnessed one patient that retained their sense of humor.

Unsplash | Ben White

"The anesthesiologist accidentally hit the door frame on the way out.

Patient: did you just do surgery on my leg?

Anesthesiologist: yes you had surgery and are waking up from it

Patient: then why are you running into things?"

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4. Redditor AdmiralEsarai watched a nurse get the last laugh.

He described a man who was convinced he was recovered enough to leave, badgering the nurse about it.

"He turned to the nurse and said: 'You may not realize this, but I'm a ninja and we heal three times faster than normal people.'

At that the nurse stopped trying to keep him in bed, he stood and immediately ate the floor."

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5. Not every encounter needs to be silly to be memorable.

Reddit | EmmaLeePants

EmmaLeePants spent an awkward day living down a patient's delirious announcement of her beauty. I think the compliment is worth it.

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6. Some patients really just want their jokes to be heard.

Unsplash | Priscilla Du Preez

Dhoy1 explained that they had a patient begin a joke before they were put out and finished it when they were waking up.

They just really needed to finish it.

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7. Some patients couldn't help by chime in with their own stories of personal silliness.

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BikToe was perfectly okay with any possible mishaps:

"When I was about to go out for surgery. They were strapping me down, and told me it was so that I don't fall off the table. My last words were, it's ok, 5 second rule."

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8. HA92 had a story about a "very prim and proper lady under sedation" for a colonoscopy.

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"As the scope was introduced, she exclaimed 'Oooh! Darling you said you wouldn't do that anymore'"

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9. Janski12 is a tech who will always remember one particular patient.

Unsplash | Kah Lok Leong

"Not an anesthesiologist but was a tech. Had a patient wake up violently. When he came to he said, 'sorry, I thought I was a shark.'"

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10. At least camierz's patient was having a good time.

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"Anesthesiologist here, I was once transporting a patient to the ICU after surgery, in which he got some ketamine, and he was rocking out the entire way there with his air guitar."

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11. Well, this story is unfortunate.

Reddit | laustcozz

Imagine making your doctor laugh during a delicate procedure and then spending the rest of your life wondering if you're the reason it didn't quite go to plan.

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12. Getting wisdom teeth removed seems to be a common theme.

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Redditor mmmmaplesyrup420 was scheduled for mortuary school practicals the next day and needed to know if it would be okay to still go:

"Before the dentist even has a second to respond I just YELLED at the top of my lungs 'YOU CANT KEEP ME AWAY MY DEAD PEOPLE NEED ME YOURE NOT THE BOSS OF ME'"

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13. EssKelly's mom is never going to live this one down.

Giphy | Headexplodie

"I was coming out of general anesthesia for an emergency appendectomy. Woke up, my family was all in the room. Remember feeling warm fuzzies that they were so concerned for me, and thought I just dozed back off.

Turns out, I woke up, surveyed them, locked eyes with my mom, and said 'I told you I didn’t just have menstrual cramps.' Then passed back out... with a smug look on my face."

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14. Really, I'm starting to feel left out because I don't have a funny wisdom teeth story.

Unsplash | Serenity Mitchell

I don't actually have any wisdom teeth. Thus, no stories like bordertypical's:

"I was the patient. After I had my wisdom teeth removed, I remember trying to drink some water, spilling it all over myself, and then crying, asking who took my water."

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15. Breaths! Not breasts!

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Thedavecan had to change their ways after this one:

"Nurse anesthetist here. When I was in school i was getting ready to get a lady off to sleep and going through my regular spiel. I had the mask on her face and I said 'nice big breaths' as I pushed propofol. Right before she went out she said 'thanks, I just had them done.' I looked at my preceptor, we looked at the circulator, and we all burst out laughing. I now say 'slow deep breaths' instead. I love telling that story, that lady made all our days."

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16. One person went in for ear surgery and thought they were really funny.

Unsplash | kyle smith

"Does anyone need anything while I’m out?," they said right before going under.

Except, everyone around them was looking very confused for some reason.

"...took a minute for me to realize I had accidentally yelled it while I was waking up from surgery."

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17. One Redditor proposed a challenge with their anesthesiologist.

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"When she started the medicine I would begin counting backward. When I would wake up we would compare what I remembered to what she observed."

The last number they remembered was 97. When they woke up, the anesthesiologist asked, "What do you remember?"

“97”

She began laughing.

'"You got down to 7!'"

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18. Brewbaron coined my new favorite colonoscopy euphemism.

Reddit | brewbaron

"Arsegoblin" may not be correct terminology, but it definitely evokes the discomfort and general ick of the procedure.

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19. A very bloody smile.

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Redditor Pentt41207 shared that they were bleeding a lot post-wisdom teeth surgery.

"My mom was driving and I was just staring out the window collecting blood in my mouth. Eventually it reached a point it was too much at a red light. Rolled down the window and just let it all flow out of my mouth. I look up and this lady is looking at me with just pure horror on her face. I proceeded while still in some sort of haze from the drugs to give her what I can imagine the bloodiest smile anyone has ever seen. She wasnt originally turning right but proceeded to make an immediate turn."

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20. "Say bye to your mommy!"

Unsplash | JAFAR AHMED

One Redditor thought she was going to be murdered when her surgeon told her this before her jaw surgery.

"And apparently 9-year-old me thought that meant they were going to kill me. My mother says I gave her a look of absolute terror and then passed out."

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21. Some people shared third-party stories.

Giphy | The Phantom of the Opera

Redditor willkill612 had one about a Broadway-inspired patient:

"My uncle is one and he said someone started singing phantom of the opera then immediately started rapping mumbled lines."

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22. Everyone's a critic, aren't they?

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I'm sure that Mars_Arbiter's brother drew a very nice bottle of mustard!

"My brother when he came out of surgery after being on heavy sedation wanted to draw a picture because yo Gabba Gabba was on and they were drawing pictures. I gave him a pen and paper and after 5 minutes I ask 'what did you draw?' He smiles and holds up a picture of a bottle of mustard. He was 17 at the time."

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23. Medical history is important, but tennis elbow probably wasn't as big a deal as user your-yogurt's mom thought it was.

Unsplash | Kelly Sikkema

"I had to take my mom to the hospital and while I was speaking to the doctor about her medical history, my mom was real insistent about them knowing her tennis elbow.

Doctor: So is she on any medication?

Mom: TENNIS ELBOW!

Me: No, she's-

Mom: TENNIS ELBOW!

Me: She has tennis elbow.

Doctor: I can tell.

Mom: TENNIS ELBOW"

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24. Madgninja didn't just tell her story. She had video!

Jerry the seal was her emotional support during her wisdom teeth operation and afterwards, she decided to sing about it. Though she doesn't remember, her mom recorded it all.

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25. One Redditor's husband seemed all fine and dandy when he woke up from his surgery.

Unsplash | chuttersnap

He was talking to all the doctors and his wife about the procedure in detail.

However, he actually woke up from the anesthesia at a Chinese buffet.

"As far as he remembers, he was put under and woke up in front of a plate of chicken teriyaki on a stick."

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