Reddit | codysherrod

17+ Funny Folks Who Are Out For Blood

Paddy Clarke 22 Nov 2019

The internet's heart is a furnace that runs on savagery. Each time that someone on the planet fires out an unbelievably spicy burn to someone else on Twitter, the internet's furnace heart lets out a roar of approval, letting everyone know that it has been appeased for the moment.

But, it's not only the internet's chasmous heart which likes seeing people deliver a sick burn (and yes I cringed when I wrote sick burn, just move passed it), so does most of the planet. So, with that in mind, here are 17+ funny folks who are out for blood! Prepare for savage burns galore!

1. The Most Savage Newspaper Editor Of All Time

Reddit | -akhil51939-

I like the idea of the vandal keeping an eye out to see if he finally made it into one of the local papers, only to find this crushing coverage!

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2. "Recently had a CT scan and noticed this in the report..."

Reddit | ottawa123456789

Things you don't want to have to shout at your doctor: "How very dare you! My reproductive organs are extremely remarkable!"

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3. "Set up my Mom's updated TV system yesterday."

Reddit | GreasedLlama

They clearly have the upmost faith in their mother. If someone needs this much hand-holding though, I reckon they'll still find a way to mess it up!

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4. Japan's Offensive Clothing Sizes

Reddit | FreddyGrimReaper89

Wow Japan, maybe reel it in a bit on the necessary shade! I feel very attacked!

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5. No One Likes A Smartass Or A Potty Mouth Bev

Reddit | jallen79to60

I was taught to write in joined up handwriting when I was 8 and we weren't allowed to write any other way until I got to high school, now I just do it as a force of habit — apparently I went to school in Dickensian time.

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6. "My garbage collectors got this note this morning. Tis the Season!"

Reddit | Fleetingambition

As savage as this is, I read it so many times as "Heavy beer parts", not "Heavy deer parts".

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7. Dissed By A Snack

Twitter | MoonPie

This has given me a newfound respect for MoonPies. I mean, I'm still not going to eat one, 'cause marshmallow tastes like disappointing dreams, but they now have my respect at least.

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8. Laughter Track

Reddit | Coaz

A much funnier joke than any of the "jokes" in the show itself!

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9. Bathroom Burn

Reddit | WaalsVander

Bathroom stalls are a veritable fount of savage burns. Never write something on a bathroom wall unless you know it's iron clad.

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10. "I Miss You"

Instagram | colonial_paperclip

Ah, the classic "I miss you" text. Almost exclusively received between the hours of 2-3 am just as the drunken night out is clearly ending with them alone and eating a takeaway.

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11. Ageism

Twitter Louisa

Poor old Bob Lonsberry didn't know what hit him here. Also, who in this day and age can walk around with a name like Bob Lonsberry? Was he born in a twee, stop-frame animation for kids?

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12. Shots Fired

Twitter | Wendy's

Whoever it is that runs Wendy's social media pages deserves a raise for the consistent level of top-draw savagery that they hand out on a daily basis!

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13. "Weird" Al

Reddit | ledgendary

Where would the world be without Weird Al Yankovic? Probably in much the same place but with a thicker overtone of misery in the air.

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14. Burger King Firing Shots

Reddit | codysherrod

Thank God that Burger King has a sense of humor in its branding, 'cause Christ knows the food is absolutely garbage!

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15. Life Is Hard

Twitter | Malaika

Anyone who starts a Twitter page called "My Dick is Called" deserves all of the punishment handed to them.

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16. Out For Literal Blood

Reddit | odyne9

I mean, surely it won't matter if I just use them to cut one little old piece of paper now would it?

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17. Going For The Mullet

Instagram | elizabethjansky

Well, you know, there are some people out there trying to bring the mullet back. I mean, it's a terrible idea, but they're still doing it.

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18. "Feel the burn"

Reddit | elchzard

Regardless of the context, if you're a man who feels like they can't ask a woman for help then may God help your fragile ego.

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19. Savage Katie

Reddit | evantheking

Holy hell, this guy really went hard on the confidence, but she came back harder. No matter what this guy does with his life after this, that burn will never heal.

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20. "New Vitamin Water flavor is Savage!"

Reddit | cavedweller87

Make it a few degrees colder and have it leaving me with the taste of commitment issues and therapy, then you're spot on!

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