My favorite tweets are the ones that are pretty hard to argue with. These people are out here telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and you know what? I appreciate their honesty.
So let's all take a moment to appreciate the folks on Twitter who took the whole "it's-funny-because-it's-true" thing and gave us some amazing, truth-bombing tweets.
I like to imagine someone awkwardly singing this little number to their friend while the rest of the party goers stand around them in confused silence.
Look, I don't need a "table" person in my life. We all deserve a "booth" person and I refuse to settle for anything less.
I've never seen adulthood so perfectly described but this person managed to sum up my existence in less than 20 words.
My parents still own a landline, and the only phone calls they get are from telemarketers, so whenever it rings they both just fight over who's turn it is to answer it.
Here's an answer: get rid of the damn landline.
How else can you explain my arts degree?
They're lawless places where people lose all sense of themselves and stumble around trying to stay awake while eating airport Cinnabon.
It's time to look good again! Get rid of those jeans that don't fit right because your tights are finally clean again!
I think waiters are trained to wait until your mouth is full before they ask how everything tastes. That way you can't tell them it's horrible. You can only clap a hand over your mouth and nod.
Well-played, waiters. Well-played.
Honestly, things can only get better after that kind of nonsense first thing in the morning. It's all up-hill from here.
He can't be bothered to type an answer out to me because he needs to tell me several stories and ask me several follow-up questions before confirming that yes, grandma's birthday is tomorrow.
Look, I know exercise is great and you gotta fit in where you can when you can. I get all that.
But 4 a.m.?! Who hurt you guys?
