Thought Catalog | Thought Catalog

24 Tweets That'll Make Married People Feel Normal

Diply 3 Jul 2018

By most standards, I am probably still considered to be a "newlywed."

With almost five years of the holiest of matrimony under my belt, I can say each and every one of these tweets about marriage hit home.

So, for those of you who aren't married, don't think, "Oh, we'll never be that couple."

You will. 'Tis written in the stars.

1. When it's time to put that spice back into the relationship.

Twitter | @ashleyaustrew

She should actually rein that sexy back in a wee bit. We don't want him to get too excited.

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2. When a simple question is never just a simple question anymore.

Twitter | @murrman5

Never trust anyone — not even the person who said they will be true to you until the end of time.

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3. When she knows what she said.

Twitter | @FatherWithTwins

And she meant it. There's no shame, no secrets. She is what she is, and she says what she needs. Sometimes, it's just her and a corkscrew.

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4. When you used to love "that side" of him, but now it's the bane of your existence.

Twitter | @ArfMeasures

Funny how that reverses, huh? One minute you're telling your girlfriends how funny he is, and the next...

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5. When you know how to keep up appearances.

Twitter | @TheCatWhisprer

Every anniversary post is the same. They might as well have a template for it. We know it's all smoke and mirrors.

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6. When it takes absolutely nothing to break you.

Twitter | @Six_Pack_Mom

They talk about emotional roller coasters. Being married is more like an emotional game of ping pong. You can go from loving your spouse to hating them in two seconds flat.

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7. When each of you is convinced you were the last one to do it.

Twitter | @ian_mendes

Remember in preschool when you learned how to take turns? That comes back around in marriage tenfold.

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8. When you ask certain questions just to deny your own lame life.

Twitter | @pazarm

But at the same time, you love the fact that you record Jeopardy and Wheel every night, too.

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9. When you wonder if anyone else deals with the same daily insanity as you...

Twitter | @DWilliamsmh

Turns out everyone is living the same hell. It's Groundhog Day all across America. Who knew?

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10. When you are already sharing your lives and you want/need to exert your independence. 

Twitter | @tchrquotes

I have to admit — I am 100% the one who does this in my relationship. Guilty!

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11. When you can't even deny it...

Twitter | @bourgeoisalien

Marriage isn't always going to be this romantic adventure. Sometimes, it's just kinda gross, and you do things you would never have done on the first date.

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12. When your love shows up on your love handles.

Twitter | @crunchenhanced

Some may call this "letting yourself go," and they're not wrong. I've been a human landfill for the last three years.

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13. When a complete stranger can capture your daily life in a single tweet.

Twitter | @simoncholland

This is legitimately what I do every single morning. Except, add tantrums and random defiance against tooth-brushing in there.

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14. When it's easier to just relent than have the argument.

Twitter | @3sunzzz

If you've got them locked in for life — AND if they are against divorce — you basically have free rein over decision making.

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15. When the slightest amount of joy you find infuriates your partner.

Twitter | @wife_housy

How dare you enjoy a little night reading before bed? You lie there with your thoughts and anxiety, okay?

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16. When this tweet was so accurate it actually hurt. 

Twitter | @WalkingOutside

I can't stop laughing at this tweet. We can all agree that cuddling before falling asleep is great, but it always ends exactly like this.

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17. When you master the art of subtlety so you can always get what you really want. 

Twitter | @yenniwhite

But let's face it, there's really no such thing as subtlety in marriage. I have to give this woman props — I bet she got that coffee.

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18. When the stakes are so high that you have to put your entire marriage on the line. 

Twitter | @rockymomax

Because when you're in a happy marriage, there's honestly nothing funnier than threatening divorce for the silliest reason.

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19. When a tweet speaks to you on a spiritual level. 

Tiwtter | @dumbbeezie

If I could give any couple that's thinking about getting married one piece of advice, it would 100% be to read this tweet.

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20. When you realize that being married means you'll never get away with anything ever again.

Twitter | @squirrel74wkgn

Spouses just know. You might think that you've gotten away with something, but I guarantee you haven't.

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21. At this point, you are pretty much used to the fact that your significant other is never going to like what you're wearing. 

Twitter | @simoncholland

I mean, it wouldn't hurt you to wear socks that actually match once in a while.

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22. When it gets easier and easier to accept the inevitable.

Twitter | @david8hughes

Welp. I guess there really is nothing she can do. Her level of acceptance — though worrisome — is also impressive.

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23. When, even though you love each other, you know that the pettiness is real. 

Twitter | @david8hughes

Let's face it, we all get petty with our spouses from time to time. Marriage is savage AF.

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24. And finally, this definition of marriage that is exactly correct. 

Twitter | @Mr_Kapowski

Marriage is basically saying this to each other over and over again forever.

SHARE with a married friend who needs a laugh today!

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